#and like the fact that i could identify it as ''dysphoric mania'' fairly early on in the episode is a good sign
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#fairly sure i'm in the midst of a manic episode#(specifically dysphoric mania which is basically all the frantic energy of a stereotypical manic episode#except instead of that euphoric-unstoppable feeling it's like instead the bad is barely containable)#which really sucks!! bc like i've dealt with anxiety and depression episodes throughout my life as well#and of course none of them are enjoyable to deal with they're all awful#but dysphoric mania is the worst imo like even tho i experience it the least often it's the most intense and a lil scary#but like i know i'll get through it fine it's just gonna be a bitch to deal with for however long it sticks around this time#and like the fact that i could identify it as ''dysphoric mania'' fairly early on in the episode is a good sign#and is very helpful to be like ''no this isn't how things will always be you just temporarily have bees in your brain''#and this is also the first episode i've had since realizing i experience mania bc in the past i just labeled any intense bad as ''depressio#and now i know they're different which is helpful!#anyway idk exactly why i'm posting this. i guess venting helps a little bit#and also this works as a disclaimer bc idk if my dysphoric-mania-vibes would be noticeable if i didn't say anything#but y'know if i seem a bit ''off'' this is probably the reason why. i'm getting through it and i think i'm good at managing my shit by now#but y'know sometimes my brain gets a little unbalanced and i just have to deal with it until things get back to how they should be
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